Why am I here? - Day 31

The last day on the Greenland icecap was day 31, easily the hardest mental and physical challenge of my life to date. As I stepped off the ice I was exhausted from too much weight loss and dizzy with happiness for having completed an expedition that, for many days looked as though we weren't going to make it. Here I am now 81 days later and tomorrow I will step out of the tent on day 32, and it will feel like a new chapter, a mini goal will have been completed, I will have gone further than I have ever done before.

This environment is almost identical to that of Greenland (the point where I finished on day 31, is exactly 16,877km from where I lie now (amazing thing a GPS!) This is in part why I'm here now, its a continuation of a journey rather than a new one, I will be in new territory, this is exciting in itself, seeing how far I can push and test myself, how much can I endure? Up until now I have been the 'usual Jon', a bit of a joker, laughing, always talking and making sure everyone's spirits are up, but now I can feel my self fatiguing, I'm not recovering as well each day, and I need to sleep longer and my pace is slowing, I'm also quieter and a bit more withdrawn, I'm being a bit more selfish, as I begin to suffer more. How far will I withdraw and will the hours alone in my head start to wear me down?

31 days, 1 month and I have thought about my past in detail, relived memories long forgotten. The great thing about 8hrs a day alone with your thoughts for 55 days without interruption is that you can go places you don't usually get to explore when in 'normal' life. I have the time to wander the dusty corridors of my mind and re-analyze the things I've done in my life and what I would like to do with my future. I have done enough of this now, too much delving into your past can't be good for you, and too much future envisioning is exhausting, and so I have discovered what places like Antarctica and Greenland gift to those willing to spend real time with them....the time to live only in the moment, to ponder and savour the present, the actual minute I'm in. Its as if the barren icey plains have said you have come this far, now enjoy each step, each breath and live only in the moment, with no more care for days gone by and those not yet spent. In my experience this is a rare luxury in life, and if I take one thing from the ice, let it be thay I enjoy more the day rather than always chasing the next.

I would love to have you all come and join me here right now for just a day to experience what I'm talking about, you could fly in and walk with me for just a day, but I know that this place doesn't give up its secrets that easily, the 'gift' I hope, is only available to those that have gone the whole distance. There are no 'short cuts' out here, believe me, from someone that has spent their entire life looking for 'short cuts', there are none out here!