Well I am fed and watered and had a interesting chat to an Italian family sat next to me who are touring Scotland for a week, they kept asking me where they should visit, I said I had no idea, but had heard from a Geordie lady recently that the West coast was much nicer than the East!
He asked me why all Scotch whiskeys tasted of the earth, well that's because the water they use is filtered through the local peat, I told him knowledgeably. P-e-a-t, he said, I translated into Italian for him; torba. He said 'Whaat iiis torrrba?' Give me strength if you don't understand your own language! I smiled and said it was an Italian word and did he want my Blackberry to look it up, while he did, I fed his 2 year old M&Ms and she giggled which made me laugh - I hope she wasn't allergic to nuts?
Anyway - the Geordie girls, this is one of those observational comedic situations that you have to have been there to have appreciated, but I will try and relive it for you via the blog.
So there I am sat in my 'atrium' and the rain has backed off just enough for me to cook my "Bachelor's Pasta n' Sauce" for dinner (I love the 'n, in the brand name, it makes it so much more friendly and appealing) my variety tonight is 'Mushroom and Wine Flavoured', I have checked the back, and yes there is 2.5% of mushroom extract but can't find the vintage of the wine anywhere - that's because it is artificial, in fact the wine flavouring here is from the chemicals E621 and E635....yum!
So back to the girls, this white Peugeot 106 turns up and parks in the middle of a puddle the size of Yorkshire, the car is surrounded by water and these 3 girls climb out, they are in their late teens and dressed in different coloured velour or flannel tracksuits with ballerina pumps, as they climb out, fag in hand and mobiles stuck to their ears they scream and swear as only a true Geordie lass can, as their feet submerge to ankle depth in the puddle - it has only been raining all day!
The site controller has escorted them to the site and said they can pitch their tent anywhere as long as they are 6 meters from another tent, "Hoo faar is sux meet'ers", the blond one responds. The controller shows her that it is 9 of her paces. I am laughing to myself, and I can see that some of the other campers are thinking the same - this is going to be really funny.
The girls in their ballerina gear start pacing around this sodden waterlogged campsite, trying to find a spot for their tent. The dark haired one (as opposed to the blond or redhead) has had enough after a minute and says, "Ahh sod it, ahm gannin te the booza," her friends scream obscenities at her to stay and help with the tent.
I don't want to sound a snob here (how out of character of me!) I was impressed these girls were even attempting this excercise, especially considering the weather. Out came the tent, they spent 5 minutes trying to work out which pole went where, which part to put up first, how the pegs worked etc. The whole exercise took them 26 minutes (sad I know I timed it!) Once the tent was up, they made countless trips to the car, to bring all their luggage and camping gear to the tent. It was the pink stroller suitcases, matching vanity cases and the obscenities hurled at each other about the promiscuity of each others mothers, when they would drop a bag or a pillow in the mud, that would crack me up.
The tent was a huge Himalayan Hotel - you could have put mine in there 5 times, maybe if I asked them nicely, I could park my bike and trailer in there for the night, might have to be careful though, if one of them rolled over too far I might loose them both for good!
The rain has abated and now the midges are out in force, and I have put my mosquito net/mask over my head, they are really terrible. My Pasta n'Sauce is ready and scalding hot, and have already removed the first layer of skin from the roof of my mouth, subsequent mouthfuls are delivered by lifting up the mosquito hat and quickly shovelling in the fuel and then pulling the hat down again so none of the little blighters get in to bite me....gosh this is the life!
My epicurean feast is interrupted by a huge scream of "Stauuuwn", I realise this is Redhead stating that she has hit a "stone" in the process of hammering in the last peg with an empty bottle of Smirnoff Ice. Then a "Ahhh Lezzz, check oot the werrrm", which translated as Leslie, check out the worm, the Redhead was holding up a 12 inch worm and taunting the others with it, as they paddled back to the car in search of safety. Their screams and volley of profanities had the whole campsite is tears.
Just when I thought the show was over, the Blond brought out the disposable BBQ and set it up on top of a plastic picnic blanket and was about to light it, when a man shouted at them that it wouldn't be a good idea as it would melt the sheet and catch on fire, "aah really is tha dangerooos" she said.
Once the BBQ was lit, I saw sausages, bacon, ketchup and bread rolls along with several bottles or red wine, maybe they weren't so amusing after all? I zipped up my tent and started chapter 2 of the Great Gatsby on my iPod in disgust.
He asked me why all Scotch whiskeys tasted of the earth, well that's because the water they use is filtered through the local peat, I told him knowledgeably. P-e-a-t, he said, I translated into Italian for him; torba. He said 'Whaat iiis torrrba?' Give me strength if you don't understand your own language! I smiled and said it was an Italian word and did he want my Blackberry to look it up, while he did, I fed his 2 year old M&Ms and she giggled which made me laugh - I hope she wasn't allergic to nuts?Anyway - the Geordie girls, this is one of those observational comedic situations that you have to have been there to have appreciated, but I will try and relive it for you via the blog.
So there I am sat in my 'atrium' and the rain has backed off just enough for me to cook my "Bachelor's Pasta n' Sauce" for dinner (I love the 'n, in the brand name, it makes it so much more friendly and appealing) my variety tonight is 'Mushroom and Wine Flavoured', I have checked the back, and yes there is 2.5% of mushroom extract but can't find the vintage of the wine anywhere - that's because it is artificial, in fact the wine flavouring here is from the chemicals E621 and E635....yum!
So back to the girls, this white Peugeot 106 turns up and parks in the middle of a puddle the size of Yorkshire, the car is surrounded by water and these 3 girls climb out, they are in their late teens and dressed in different coloured velour or flannel tracksuits with ballerina pumps, as they climb out, fag in hand and mobiles stuck to their ears they scream and swear as only a true Geordie lass can, as their feet submerge to ankle depth in the puddle - it has only been raining all day!
The site controller has escorted them to the site and said they can pitch their tent anywhere as long as they are 6 meters from another tent, "Hoo faar is sux meet'ers", the blond one responds. The controller shows her that it is 9 of her paces. I am laughing to myself, and I can see that some of the other campers are thinking the same - this is going to be really funny.
The girls in their ballerina gear start pacing around this sodden waterlogged campsite, trying to find a spot for their tent. The dark haired one (as opposed to the blond or redhead) has had enough after a minute and says, "Ahh sod it, ahm gannin te the booza," her friends scream obscenities at her to stay and help with the tent.
I don't want to sound a snob here (how out of character of me!) I was impressed these girls were even attempting this excercise, especially considering the weather. Out came the tent, they spent 5 minutes trying to work out which pole went where, which part to put up first, how the pegs worked etc. The whole exercise took them 26 minutes (sad I know I timed it!) Once the tent was up, they made countless trips to the car, to bring all their luggage and camping gear to the tent. It was the pink stroller suitcases, matching vanity cases and the obscenities hurled at each other about the promiscuity of each others mothers, when they would drop a bag or a pillow in the mud, that would crack me up.
The tent was a huge Himalayan Hotel - you could have put mine in there 5 times, maybe if I asked them nicely, I could park my bike and trailer in there for the night, might have to be careful though, if one of them rolled over too far I might loose them both for good!
The rain has abated and now the midges are out in force, and I have put my mosquito net/mask over my head, they are really terrible. My Pasta n'Sauce is ready and scalding hot, and have already removed the first layer of skin from the roof of my mouth, subsequent mouthfuls are delivered by lifting up the mosquito hat and quickly shovelling in the fuel and then pulling the hat down again so none of the little blighters get in to bite me....gosh this is the life!
My epicurean feast is interrupted by a huge scream of "Stauuuwn", I realise this is Redhead stating that she has hit a "stone" in the process of hammering in the last peg with an empty bottle of Smirnoff Ice. Then a "Ahhh Lezzz, check oot the werrrm", which translated as Leslie, check out the worm, the Redhead was holding up a 12 inch worm and taunting the others with it, as they paddled back to the car in search of safety. Their screams and volley of profanities had the whole campsite is tears.
Just when I thought the show was over, the Blond brought out the disposable BBQ and set it up on top of a plastic picnic blanket and was about to light it, when a man shouted at them that it wouldn't be a good idea as it would melt the sheet and catch on fire, "aah really is tha dangerooos" she said.
Once the BBQ was lit, I saw sausages, bacon, ketchup and bread rolls along with several bottles or red wine, maybe they weren't so amusing after all? I zipped up my tent and started chapter 2 of the Great Gatsby on my iPod in disgust.
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